Constantly checking your date's ‘last seen’? Psychologist warns what it does to your mind and body
Are you back from a romantic date, whether it is an artsy museum date, a cosy candlelight dinner or a fun cafe hopping? You send a text saying you had a good time but now their ‘last seen’ has you in a chokehold. Or not solely for a new connection, unexpected ghosting is common in later stages of a talking stage or situationship. You keep checking it again and again, biting your nails, double-checking with friends, while the knot in your stomach intensifies and your heart leaps every time there is a ping, only for it to turn out to be a food delivery app notification.
Sad, but almost everyone has been there, in some capacity or the other. But this innocuous habit of checking someone's last seen, whether it is a date or anyone else even, can actually impact your wellbeing.
Why Do We Keep Checking Someone’s Last Seen?
Let's understand what exactly goes on in your mind when you feel compelled to check your phone for hours on end. For this, we asked Noya Giri, Clinical Psychologist at Maarga Mind Care, Gurugram, to break down the repercussions.
She believes such habits are common among people who seek a lot of reassurance, validation, and emotional comfort externally, relying on others for their sense of self. In such cases, self-worth begins to depend on how someone else responds, rather than how one feels about oneself.
This quickly escalates into overthinking. A delayed response draws thoughts like, “Why are they not responding?”, “Are they ignoring me?”, “Did I say something wrong?” or even “Am I the problem?”
What Happens When You Continue Checking Last Seen?
What is the emotional toll of this vicious ‘last seen’ cycle? It can almost feel like a purgatory. You know the habit is hurting you, you know you should stop, but you still find yourself going back to check again.
The psychologist expressed concern that this behaviour can trap a person in a cycle of anxiety.
“Emotionally, this pattern wears down a person's security and sense of self over time, which in return impacts their sleep, concentration, mood, confidence, and overall peace of mind,” she said.
The Hidden Impact on Sleep and Health
One of the biggest hits is sleep, and we all know that sleep acts as the foundation of good health. So, if you frequently find yourself in a relationship where communication is inconsistent, leaving you grasping at ‘last seen’ for answers and losing sleep over it, it may be time to put yourself first and re-evaluate whether this connection is truly worth keeping.
To put things into perspective, poor sleep can single-handedly throw the body's equilibrium off balance.
For short-term side effects, poor sleep can leave you tired, groggy the next morning, with poor focus. Add to this irritability, headaches, food cravings, and low motivation. Is all that worth it for a dating app connection who says “hi” after 12 hours? Probably not a great emotional investment when your health is at stake.
Long-term side effects include an increased risk of chronic ailments such as cardiovascular issues, obesity, and diabetes. A study published in eBioMedicine, part of The Lancet Discovery Science, on September 30, 2025, identified poor sleep as one of the factors associated with premature brain ageing. Sleep disturbances may also contribute to neurodegenerative conditions such as dementia through accelerated ageing processes.
What Should You Focus On Instead?
There's a silver lining. The psychologist urged people to look at the positive side: late replies may not always mean rejection, disinterest, or lack of care. The other person may simply be busy, tired, stressed, distracted, or taking time for themselves.
However, when someone is emotionally anxious, the mind tends to leap to the worst-case scenario before learning the truth.
What Does a Healthy Connection Look Like?
What should a healthy connection be then?
Noya answered, “Healthy connections should be based on trust, patience, communication, and emotional balance, and not on monitoring. It is vital to think about whether you check something because you truly miss that person or do it in order to relieve some of your tension.”
